Amy Lynn Frost, MBA and MA Spiritual Psychology
“Joy is a choice. Joy is living in the present trusting that tomorrow is not worth worrying about.”
Have you ever experienced a day in your life when you felt like everything that you did or said was wrong. Like there was a certain dialogue or language that was being spoken by everyone except you? A warning should be given to everyone who endeavors to begin their journey towards their authentic self or as they begin to heed the calling from their soul, because in addition to the highs you will experience, this is ALSO when it can start to suck to be you. It’s difficult enough to put your spiritual beliefs into practice when your life is running smoothly. Not so easy when you’re in “world collapse”: hating your job, contemplating divorce, or facing illness for example. So what do you do when it sucks being YOU?
Remember that you WILL get through this. There is a Jewish folk saying that reminds us that we are stronger than we believe: “Pray that you will never have to suffer all that you are able to endure.”
James offers this advice: “You can cope by praying, talking to friends that you trust who will tell you the truth and nothing but the truth (gently of course). Being real with yourself can help you focus on who you are and who you need to be strong for. Always remember that you cannot please everyone, somebody is going to be hurt for one reason or another. Yes, in some cases it does work out right. But when it does not then you have to do what is right for you. It is your life and no one can live it for you. Make yourself happy because the other people will make themselves happy too.”
Sheldon had a terrifying experience in what appeared to be a pending airplane crash. He started chanting words he’d heard before, even though he didn’t know their meaning and chanting was something he had never done. He found a peace he had never known. The plane didn’t crash. Now in tough times he can recall those words and that takes him back to that peace.
I recently had a scary dentist experience. As I sat in the dentist office waiting to hear what they were going to do about my chipped front tooth, I started to feel tremendous fear building up in my body and mind. Definitely a “sucks to be me” moment. I got more and more upset and felt ill. I was catastrophizing the pain, the money, the wait, on and on. Then, I thought about this article. I then started consciously breathing and visualizing the best possible outcome. I connected with the assistant and stretched in the chair. A miracle occurred. They could fix my tooth right away with little pain or money. YEAHHH!!!
Here are some tools that I and my friends have used to help us through these damned if you do and damned if you don’t kind of days that accompany change:
- Admit it sucks!!! Don’t make nice. When you feel overwhelmed its good to stop and realize that life is overwhelming. It a relief to know that we are reacting “normally” to a crazy situation.
- Address the fear and/or feelings that are coming up.
- Don’t have expectations of anyone. You can be disappointed and its not fair to the other person. Approach each situation in a way that meets with your integrity and beliefs without alienating the person you’re dealing with. You can allow others their opinions without verbally buying into them.
- Ask what is really happening here? What is my part, what is their part, what is just from a learning place.
- Be mindful. Stay in each moment as much as possible. Even when there is an overwhelming situation going on in your life, each moment doesn’t have to suck. In the midst of the chaos you can appreciate a bird’s song, a funny moment, a star filled night.
- Don’t take yourself too seriously
- SCREAM (in a safe place)
- Manage your time wisely, focusing on one task at a time and leaving enough time for you to just BE.
- Be patient with yourself and don’t beat yourself up for having tough days. They are part and parcel of this experience.
- Don’t hold on to the illusion of control. Know what you can control and do it. Know what you can’t control and let it GO.
- Surround yourself with friends who support you. They don’t need to understand everything, just be there to support and encourage you. They make me laugh, let me cry and allow me to be myself.
- Remember why you are here to begin with.
While having a sucks to be you moment or day isn’t a lot of fun, it can help you to get real and to restructure your life to align with what is really important to you. Take this time to reflect, regroup, and reset. Then act the steps that will get you to the life you want.
“Act always as if the future of the universe depended on what you did, while laughing at yourself for thinking that whatever you do makes any difference.”
